This morning I read Part 1 of Pastor Mark Driscoll’s blog post entitled, Leadership is Lonely. Mark is one of my favorite Christians, and a great leader and pastor. But I was troubled by his words, not because he is wrong in claiming that leadership is lonely (we all know it can be), but because I think loneliness in ministry is very destructive. I believe that Mark would agree, but in at least the first part of his series on leadership being lonely, he addressed the sins that the loneliness give birth to rather than exploring the question, Should leadership be lonely in the first place? In fact Mark goes so far as to start out his blog with the statement that “Leadership is lonely. Anyone who disagrees is likely not a leader.” And I think it is this definitive statement that got me thinking the most.
First or Last?
In saying that “leadership is lonely”, Mark indicates that it is the natural state of a leader to be lonely. Something he expounds on in his first paragraph:
“By definition, a leader is out ahead of his or her team, seeing, experiencing, and learning things before everyone else. One on hand, this causes great excitement and enthusiasm because the opportunity to learn and pioneer is incredibly invigorating. On the other hand, however, the distance between a leader and his or her team is incredibly lonely, even to the point of becoming debilitating.”
According to this definition of leadership, Mark is right that leadership is lonely – and always will be. But to me that definition of leadership is more akin with our western capitalistic conceptions of leadership than with a Biblical understanding of leadership. I agree that leaders (even Christian ones) are often ahead of their team, but I’m not convinced that is where they should be at all times. I’m of course thinking of Christ’s conceptions of leadership in the gospels, which so often align with His Sermon on the Mount refrain: “You’ve heard it said, but I say unto you…” Teachings such as: “So the last shall be first, and the first last” (Matthew 20:16), “It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to serve but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26-28), and “An argument arouse among them as to which of them was the greatest. But Jesus, knowing the reasoning of their hearts, took a child and put him by his side and said to them, ‘Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives him who sent me. For he who is least among you is the one who is great.’” (Luke 9:48)
According to Christ a true leader is a servant. Mark knows this. We all know this. But let’s reflect on what that means. A servant is not generally out ahead, but more likely behind, making those he serves look good. A servant doesn’t get credit for success – though often times he is the reason for it. As leaders it is our job to cast vision, and in that sense we are ahead. But that gift is meant to be used in coming behind and pushing and empowering those whom God has entrusted to our care to be successful in carrying out that vision.
We of course see this most truly embodied in Jesus, who condescended (in the best sense of the word) to be human and die a bloody death on the cross for us. And while Christ clearly walked in authority, I find it hard pressed to say he was lonely, with the exception of his passion when even the Father forsook him. Was he exasperated at times? Most definitely. Was there times he just wanted to get away from it all? Of course. But generally, we see Jesus in continual fellowship with both his disciples and with others, specifically tax collectors, prostitutes, and other social outcasts – and there is no indication that he didn’t enjoy himself, at least most of the time. And in the end, Christ cast vision (a big one at that), and empowered his people to live it out. That to me is servant leadership. And it is far from lonely.
Everyone is Lonely
Something to consider is that we as leaders don’t have the market cornered on loneliness. Everyone is lonely. That is why they seek out the Church. We are a community that follows Jesus and strikes hard against the prevailing cultures of the world that seek to ostracize and isolate. Our job as leaders is to create a culture whereby people feel the all encompassing love and joyful community that being a follower of Jesus affords – and we as leaders are a part of that community. We too should feel the joy and peace that our community brings to our lives.
We Serve a Triune God
As a community we can be assured that the ultimate reality of the Kingdom of God is one of peace, unity, and community. After all, our God is a God that lives and has lived throughout all eternity in perfect and holy community with Himself. A triune God. And as Lesslie Newbigin writes in his book Foolishness to the Greeks:
“From its first page to its last, the Bible is informed by a vision of human nature for which neither freedom nor equality is fundamental; what is fundamental is relatedness. Man – male and female – is made for God in such a way that being in the image of God involves being bound together in this most profound of all mutual relations. God binds himself in a covenant relationship with men and women to which he remains faithful at whatever cost and however unfaithful his covenant partner is. And people and nations are called to live in binding covenant relationships of brotherhood. Human beings reach their true end in such relatedness, in bonds of mutual love and obedience that the mutual relatedness in love that is the being of the Triune God himself.”
When we examine the Triune God, we do see a clear hierarchy in the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, yet we also see perfect harmony and community – there is no room for loneliness. In fact, I would be so bold to say that in such a communion, loneliness would be sin.
And that’s really the heart of what I’m exploring here. It may be technically right to say that “leadership is lonely,” but I wonder, is it morally right that it is so?
Loneliness Leads to Isolationism
As a parting thought, I want to share a story. The pastor of the church I grew up in began to experience what Mark is writing about. Our church was growing fast, and he was a dynamic and charismatic individual that was definitely a type-A personality. He had grand dreams and big plans. Slowly and imperceivably, my pastor began to distance himself from those whom he had trusted so deeply just years earlier as they worked hand-in-hand in ministry. Soon, he was consolidating power and pushing his life-long friends away. He too claimed that everyone wanted a piece of him, and went so far as to hire a body guard to escort him from pulpit to his office after each service. Eventually, he ran many of the pastors that had served with him for years out of the church and replaced them with his family members.
At its peak, my church was a thriving body of over 2,500 people who were seeking Jesus and living out the gospel. Today, that church no longer exists. The list of lives that were shipwrecked by the seeds one pastor’s loneliness stretches far and wide.
As leaders we should be asking ourselves how and why we perpetuate this pervasive condition of loneliness in ministry leadership. There must be a better way.
I pray that there is. It breaks my heart to hear that Mark and many other pastors feel this way, and to hear the questions that arise out of such feelings. I know all too well where those feelings lead, and the destruction they can bring on a community. I thank God that Mark is sharing his thoughts for all pastors to see (and feel comfortable acknowledging in themselves), but I also hope he goes straight for the jugular of loneliness itself, and shows just how destructive a force it can be.